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Unix Tech Support

Author unknown

A Customer calls the Support Tech with a question.

Customer:

What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program?

Tech:

Yes, that's correct.

Customer:

No, what is it?

Tech:

Yes.

Customer:

Yes?

Tech:

No, yes is not. 'what' is.

Customer:

So, which is the one?

Tech:

No, 'which' is used to find the program.

Customer:

Stop this. Who are you?

Tech:

Use 'who am i', not 'who are you'.

Customer:

All I want to know is what finds the revision code?

Tech:

Yes. What.

Customer:

That's what i am trying to find out! Isn't that true?

Tech:

No, 'true' gives you zero.

Customer:

Which one?

Tech:

'which programname'.

Customer:

Argh. Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?

Tech:

Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.

Customer:

I want to find the revision code.

Tech:

You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.

Customer:

Which command will do what I need?

Tech:

No. 'which command' will find 'command'.

Customer:

I think I understand. Let me write that.

Tech:

You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.

Customer:

Write what?

Tech:

No. 'write that'. 'what program'.

Customer:

Cut that out!

Tech:

Yes. Those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.

Customer:

Do you always do this ?

Tech:

'du' will give you disk usage.

Customer:

HELP!

Tech:

'help' is illegal. Use 'man'.

Customer:

Which man?

Tech:

No, 'man what'.

Customer:

What?

Tech:

Yes.

Customer:

You make me angry.

Tech:

No, I don't 'make me' angry, but I did 'make program' when I was upset once.

Customer:

I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

Tech:

No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.

Customer:

More of what?

Tech:

More or less.

Customer:

Nice help! I'm confused more now.

Tech:

Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. And 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is.

Customer:

This is almost as confusing as my PC.

Tech:

I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me transfer you to the Pascal compiler team.


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Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.


Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
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